Letting go can be hard, in fact it can be one of the hardest things a person can go through, whether it’s letting go of a friendship, a job or in this case a marriage, whatever it is letting go is difficult, but there are ways to deal with it. Many partners struggle for a long time before deciding to get divorced, however, if the relationship is impacting you in a negative way it might be time to let go.
Today we will be talking you through some of the ways in which you can slowly come to terms with your divorce. It is important to remember before we start that there are no time constraints here and everyone will get through it at their own pace.
Table of Contents
Take Time To Yourself
Give yourself time to understand and process what has happened. It is healthy to grieve the relationship and to relieve both good and bad memories as this is all in the process of moving forward. Have a good cry and then let it go, there is no time scale for getting over a relationship, so give yourself all the time you need, but try not to dwell on the negative feelings longer than you need to. Moving forward is important but processing is just as important. There are no correct feelings, whatever your feelings are they are valid. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
This point also includes dating again, you may feel like you might want to jump straight back on the horse or you may need a break. It does take time to work through these emotions, so ensure that you give yourself the time you need before jumping straight back into the dating game. Give yourself the space to refind who you are, what you want and don’t want from your next relationship and until your current feelings are resolved.
Going through a divorce can make you feel a little bit lost, which is keeping routine in your everyday life can help. You are in the middle of a big change which can seem quite unsettling, so continuing to do the things that you enjoy and make you happy is essential, try and incorporate these into your daily routine, making time for yourself. This is important for your children too as they are also going through this period with you.
Communication is Key
In some cases, your partner might be the last person you want to speak to at this time, however, keeping communication lines open is so important. Building up some sort of relationship with your ex spouse can make the whole divorce process more manageable. If you feel unable to speak to your ex partner in person, email or text message can help.
Before you send anything, think to yourself, would you want anyone else to see/hear these messages. Sometimes messages need to be read out in court, so always think before pressing send.
Speak to Someone
The legal aspects of a divorce can seem extremely daunting, however, speaking to an expert divorce lawyer can help a lot. They will talk you through the whole process and make everything seem a lot less scary. We would recommend getting some questions prepared so that when you go in you know that all of your questions will be answered and you will leave feeling a lot more reassured.
A divorce can take around 6-9 months depending on how busy the courts are so make sure to manage your expectations before entering the process. If you have any children or any concerns surrounding them, now would be the perfect time to speak to a divorce lawyer Barrington about these, and he/she can make you feel at ease with the process going forward.
Do not be embarrassed at all if you are upset as this is completely normal and understandable, your lawyer will be supportive, just be yourself. Some people find it useful to talk to a friend or family member before talking to a lawyer as sometimes they can make suggestions for questions that you may not have thought of before.
Take Care of Both Your Emotional and Physical Needs
You are going through a hard time at the moment, but even so, it is important to look after your mental and physical health. Take time to go out for fresh air, make sure you are eating and drinking enough and if you are feeling upset, try and avoid making any choices until you are feeling better. Journaling is a healthy way to let out emotions and meeting friends for walks can also keep your mind active whilst also allowing you to get some exercise.
Explore Who You Are
If you are going through a divorce it is likely you haven’t been up to much, even though it can be hard, it is important to try and reconnect with things you enjoy doing for yourself. This could be painting, drawing, running, literally anything that you do for yourself. If you don’t have any existing hobbies, maybe consider signing up for a class or volunteering, this is also a great way to meet new people and reconnect.
Be Open With Your Children
Divorce can be extremely difficult for children, but there are ways to make it more manageable for them. First things first is to make sure you listen to any concerns that they have and to reassure them, make them understand that none of this is their fault and answer any questions that they may have. Even though times may feel turbulent it’s also important to keep routine in their lives, as this makes everything feel normal and finally reassure your children that they can rely on you for anything.
We would also recommend that you tell your children together. This helps to reinforce the decision is joint, even if it might not be and that your feelings for your children are nothing but love and that the situation is not their fault. Never speak badly about your partner to your children and keep all information about the divorce to a minimum, let them be children after all.
Remember That You Are Worthy of Love
When going through a divorce, your confidence and self esteem can become lower than normal. If you take anything away from this blog post, remember that you are worthy of love and will find love again. Self criticism will only make the process harder, so love yourself, look after yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help, support and guidance if you need it.
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