40 Most Amusing Joe Dirt Quotes

Joe Dirt Quotes

Joe Dirt is one of Adam Sandler’s production company’s cut-and-paste slapstick comedies. It stars Kid Rock, Brian Thomson, Adam Beach, Christopher Walken, Jaime Pressly, Dennis Miller, Mitzi Martin, and, of course, David Spade, among Sandler’s comedy pals and actors. Joe Dirt was released in April 2001, and Joe Dirt 2 was released in July 2015.

Robert Simonds produced Joe Dirt, which was directed by Dennie Gordon. Fred Wolf and David Spade wrote the film’s script: It also includes a large number of casts, including

Joe Dirt is played by David Space in this film, and he is a “failure” who was abandoned at the Grand Canyon by his parents. Joe Dirt is a redneck who is out of touch with the world. He’s a janitor with acid wash jeans and a mullet haircut, therefore he’s the kind of person that gets teased. His search for his parents is the subject of the film. His search leads him from one adventure to the next. He eventually finds his way to Los Angeles, where a “shock-jock” radio personality (played by Dennis Miller) gives Joe dirt to ridicule and make fun of him on his show. However, as Joe’s narrative develops, he begins to win people over, and they begin to root for him and assist him on his trip.

Joe Dirt Quotes

“But I’m picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“And at that moment I thought I might just lie there and never get up. I would just sit there and rot there, but then I looked up and saw the moon and got this weird feeling that Brandy was looking up at that same moon. Then I realized I had a home all along, in Silvertown.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You guys got something to say to me? Why don’t you say it in the microphone? I got a backup mic right here. Check one-two, testing, testing. Yup, they both working and guess what? They don’t like no feedback, what’s up.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You’re gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don’t have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showing’ and it was grossing’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You like to see homos naked? Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn’t help me.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“To tell you the truth, brother, between you and me. The thing with the dog is coming off a little fruity. That’s just me talking.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“There are three rules when dealing with a deadly alligator. And yes, they are deadly, don’t kid yourself. Rule number one, I’m number one. You hear that? I like to kid around. Rule two, the croc’s number two. Now before I begin…”

– Joe Dirt

 

“The guy doing the police sketches thought I was messing with him because my dad came out looking like Father Time and my mom came out looking too butch and looking way too much like Richard Ramirez. You know the Night Stalker, remember him?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Why did you do that to me? I was only eight years old – I was just a little kid. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a kid and have nobody around to talk to? No one that cares if you’re alive or dead? Every day you just think you’re worthless and there’s a void in your life?

– Joe Dirt

 

“So your gonna’ tell me that you don’t have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“People like that security guard. They don’t really mean what they say. They just got their own issues and what not. Alls I got to do is keep bein’ a good person. No matter what, good things’ll come my way. Everything’s gonna happen for me, just so long as I never have no in my heart.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Hell no, man I don’t listen to that crap! I’m a rocker, dude through and through. Here’s my favorite bands: AC/DC, Van Halen, not Van Hagar, Skynyrd, Def Lep.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Here we go, I’m a bit of a crocophile, so don’t try this at home. This here’s Rocky, and he ain’t no puppy. Now, let’s see if Rocky’s got some cavities.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Yeah, you want a match? My face and your ass! How ’bout that friend? Huh? I mean, your ass and my face, what’s up?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Nunamaker! Nunamaker! That’s what my sister said on the way to the Grand Canyon! My last name’s Dirt, her last name’s Nunamaker! That’s my parents’ last name!”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Well, huh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick ’em in mailboxes, you drop ’em in toilets, shove ’em up bullfrogs asses,”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You really think you can match that slant 6 of yours against this 426 hemi? Huh? Well then let’s do it little boy!”

– Charlene the Gator Farmer

 

“If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You’re saying you have no black cats, Roman candles or screaming meemies? Come on. You don’t got no ladyfingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs… church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippedy-doodas, crap flappers?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“My name is Joe Dirte, I added an e to the end, cause it sounds cool.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“I’m not talking about a posi-trac; I’m talking about me. How long did you look for me before you gave up? How lone were you riding in that car before you realized I wasn’t in it? Exactly how long?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“But I’m pickin’ it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“And you’ll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying ‘what’s up, baby?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Home is where you make it.”

– Old Cajun Man

 

“Well that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consumer.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“There you go. Someone shoves an M-80 up a bullfrog’s butt, blows him to pieces…he comes back to you to fix it. You win twice, brother. It’s good biz.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where’s the good stuff man?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You want me to put my ear to the ground and listen for hoof beats, check for footprints, look for broken twigs? This is the modern era. That stuff doesn’t work anymore.”

– Kicking Wing

 

“Well today I’m gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that’s right I said Hemi.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back; making fun of poor Joe Dirt?

– Joe Dirt

 

“Hey! You’re talking to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. Do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You just said your sister’s hot! What a fuh-reak! You’re going to hell, man!”

– Joe Dirt

 

“You’re talking to me all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. You do it again and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!”

– Clem

 

“No, afraid not. That just a big ol’ frozen chunk of poopy.”

– Meteor Bert

 

“You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?”

– Joe Dirt

 

“All right! We didn’t lose him; we just left him. So what? The dude’s doing fine! Look at him!”

– Joe’s Dad

 

“Hey, you’re grounded! Where are you all going? Hey, come on! You don’t have to follow him just because he’s going!”

– Joe’s Dad

 

“Lose that frown. When you’re down, stare at a clown,”

– Joe’s Mom

 

“My God! Oh, my clowns! Look at my clowns! I wish he never found us! Look what he did to my children! Oh, no! Hey! Hey, TV people! Hey, TV people!”

– Joe’s Mom

 

“Don’t try and church it up son. Don’t you mean Joe Dirt? Naming you that your father must’ve really hated you,”

– Security Guard

 

“Now, you’re telling me you were so ingrained with white trash DNA, your facial hair actually grows in on its own all white trashy like that?”

– Zander Kelly

 

“Don’t you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe,”

– Zander Kelly

 

Theatrical Trailer for Joe Dirt

Check out the original theatrical trailer if you haven’t watched Joe Dirt yet, or if you just want to remember the hilarity of the film in a few minutes without having to see it again.

Life’s A Garden

 

Conclusion

We put a lot of effort into compiling the finest Joe Dirt quotes, and we hope you appreciate them as much as we did. They could even make you want to see the film again. Adam Sandler created a lot of movies, some of which were terrific, some of which were not so good, but all of which were light and amusing. These are entertaining films to watch while you’re in a bad mood.

Read Also: 45 Best Mary Oliver Quotes

40 Most Amusing Joe Dirt Quotes

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